The Immigrant

I'm a Honduran refugee. Or some would call me an illegal immigrant, whichever flotas your botas. I left my family a year ago. + took the train all the way up thru Central America. In Mexico, I found a "coyote" to take me across the desert, thru Arizona. 3 days of walking, with nothing but a gallon water jug, a loaf of bread + the will not to die. I was several months pregnant at the time. I made it across the border + was taken to Ontario, California where I could hide out for a few months. No family or friends. I'm 19 years old.

I'm a seminary student. Know what that is? I got an Masters in…Divinity. Which means I study…God. So I'm supposed to, you know, win souls. Go ye therefore. Baptize. Teach. Evangelize. You hear amazing witnessing stories of airplane testimonies. + if I'm a real Christian, then I should have a story too. A star on my crown, too. So as part of the M.Div curriculum, they send us to a "boot camp." 1 month of door-to-door evangelism, bible studies in the day, an evangelistic series @ night. If you were worth your salt, you'd get @ least one baptism, right Pastor?

I get to Pomona + I discover, it's a black church. When most cities in SoCal are 60% Hispanic, + growing. Great. + they're sending us to Ontario. It's 10 miles away, gas is $4 a gallon + a lot of folks don't even have a car. Just wonderful. After one week of going door-to-door, I haven't had to speak that much Spanish since I got lost in Mexico once. Perfectamundo.

It was weird being so pregnant, so helpless + having everyone around you so American. I've been here 11 months but I've barely learned any English. I'll never forget that late nite, my friend running red lights + me biting my shirt in pain. Never knew my body could feel so much pain! But my beautiful baby girl was born at the Pomona Hospital on November 27, 2007. I named her Britney. People always laugh when I tell them…that’s a white girl's name! I'm not even sure why I had her. I knew it would make the journey slower, more dangerous, more uncertain than it already is. But no matter how bad it gets for my baby girl, it can't be worse than what I've left behind.

It's 100 degrees out. I'm in the Mexican ghetto, in front of a decrepit apartment complex w/ all the gates locked up tight. I'm about to give up, when a teenager rolls by on his scooter + lets me in. Inside, I see a lot of little kids running around, a dejected mom sitting on the stairwell, a lot of abuelas (grandmas) at home, everybody politely interested which is the American equivalent of "not interested." The smell of marinated achiote chicken + beans + rice on the stove. It's been a bad day + I'm hungry. Oh well, just a coupla more doors...

I'm babysitting 6 kids at my friend's place. It's chaos. I barely hear the knock on the door, + when I open it, the kids all quiet down. It's a chino! Some kinda Bible student. His Spanish is terrible. He gives me a set of Spanish bible studies + prays a prayer for the kids in his terrible Spanish. They're having a Bible seminar about some end-of-the-world doomesday stuff, like some kinda cult. I've always been curious about the Bible, but it's hard to understand. I give him my phone number, but he gets his seis and siete mixed up. I doubt he's gonna call.

Tonight's the 1st seminar. I've called + offered to pick my contacts up. I go to pickup Maria, the Honduran girl, but she's not at home. After a week, I still haven't brought anybody to the seminars. + plus, this field school is chaos. (I'm complaining to my door-to-door partner, Juan Carlos who's from Panama). What are we doing here Juan? I don't agree w/ the pastor's methods. Revelation Seminar? A bunch of English-speaking seminary students going into a Hispanic community, asking them to come to a black church? This is ridiculous. I've given up on anyone getting baptized. The church members aren't involved, the prep work wasn't done, the people's needs aren't being met. Maybe God sent me to the wrong field school...

A week later, I went to my 1st Revelation Seminar. I've never studied the Bible like that before! + the people there really seem to view God as a friend, when they pray to Him or talk about Him. + they're very nice to Britney =)

One day, I visited Chris + Juan's apartment on their vacation day. I'm looking thru some pics on Juan's laptop + I find one where he's all wet, wearing a gown in a pool. So Juan gives me a little Bible study about what it means. I've heard about baptism, but I didn't really what it was exactly until now. I guess it means just giving my life over to Jesus, and promising to follow Him for the rest of my life. I'm still young; I know I have a lot to learn. My future seems so unstable. But maybe that's why I need Jesus even more.

It's Thursday, our day off. Maria called + wanted to just hang out…she's usually @ her apartment all day w/ the baby. As Juan + Maria are discussing in Spanish, I'm playing w/ Britney. She's teething right now, so she wants to gnaw on everything...a pillow, a slinky, my finger.

I look at this baby, + all the hope she represents to her fugitive mom. I think of all the things that had to happen for us to meet that afternoon. I look back at all the people I've met in the past month. All the different worldviews, religious beliefs, of every denomination, and in every walk of life. I realize that despite all my prayers, invitations, discussions, and rejections, no matter how many doors I've knocked on, flyers I've passed out, and people I've connected with, I can't bring anybody to Jesus. He's the one drawing them. He can use us to move them further along that path. but whether He's asked me to sow, or cultivate, or weed, or reap…God's the only one Who can make anyone grow.

I realize how selfish I've been. How much I've been focused on human things. Like numbers. Impressing others. Proving myself. It's always been about my contacts. My charisma. I'm here to get my star, on my crown. I've forgotten, that I'm just a tool in the carpenter's hands. + the more I make this about myself, the less He can do with me.

+ all of a sudden Juan's voice interrupts my thoughts. Maria's beaming. Britney's cooing. + he tells me, Let's pray, Chris. Maria's decided she wants to get baptized.

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things...so that no one may boast before him. (1 Cor 1:27-30)