The Plumber

Ever went home + found your entire bathroom inundated w/ sewage?

Not the best Wednesday I've had in my life. Spent a good couple of hours mopping up…stuff. Actually, it wasn't just mopping. It was…chunky. You can't mop chunks. You have to scoop 'em up. Yeah, it was pretty gross.

Finally I think I got everything all bleached + spic + span, + there's more gurgling noises. Another explosion. More mopping.

a kodak moment

I call the emergency plumbing people + they say they'll get back to me.
That night, I'm in bed w/ one hand on my cell + the other on my plunger.
I hear gurgling noises in my dreamless sleep.
Ever watched that movie, The Blob? Yeah.

The plumber doesn't call me back.

So you can understand why I'd be a little bit angry as I called every plumber in the phonebook. To no avail. Finally, I get a hold of a small family company.

"Okay your name's Jim? Great. Can you come today? Great. Yup, I need my whole sewage line roto-rootered. Stuff gurgling up thru the bathtub, toilet, I need you to come like now. Right now. You can? Great, thanks, bye."

Finally, the plumber comes. He's got this thick worksuit on, w/ these heavy-duty rubber gloves. He somehow knows exactly where the sewer line is--this weird-looking pipe with a cap. I go outside to watch him, just to make sure he gets that gunk out 4 good. He wheels out this machine with a 50 foot metal coil and a spinning blade @ the end.

His knee is pushing down the power switch, and he's shoving the metal coil down the sewer line. Grunting + pushing. Sometimes it gets caught on something + he yanks on it with both hands. I didn't realize how much work it was to be a plumber. I just thought it was one of those dirty but easy jobs, like garbage collecting. For people who don't have much ambition, or don't like school. You never hear a little kid say: "I'm gonna be a plumber when I grow up!"

Unless you're Jim. I find out Jim's a 3rd generation plumber. His granddad Jim started this business in 1963. Now his 20-year old son (yup you guessed it, Jim) comes out to work with him sometimes.

"Is your son going to college or anything?" I ask, stupidly.

"No. He doesn't have an ounce of ambition, right now. A few months ago, he got pulled over + the cops found a bag of weed under his seat. He went to jail for 3 days. That'll fix him, I thought. But when I asked him how it was, He said, it was pretty cool! Hung out w/ some friends. They gave me some food. I know this is bad, but I want something really bad to happen to him. God knows I don't know what to do with that kid…"

"Did he grow up in the church?" I ask, cautiously.

"We went to a Lutheran church for a few years. Then we got this new young pastor, that wanted to change some things around. Some of the older people circulated this list of what they didn't like about him, and his wife. I remember I sat there in church with that paper in my hands and thought, this can't be what a Christian is. I don't want my kids to grow up around this. And we left."

"Oh. I see." Sorry I asked, I wanna say. But I don't.

"I've seen a lot of churchgoing people, and they seem to be a bunch of hypocrites. My neighbor goes to a Wednesday night prayer meeting. One time, I was out shoveling snow. My neighbor's driving back from church + rolls his window down + yells out in a condescending tone: "Hey Jim, I just got back from church. How do you feel about that?"

"Ouch. That sucks." I have nothing to say. It gets real quiet.

"So anyways, what are you studying @ Andrews?" he asks.

"Umm…theology. Where did you say you grew up again?"

He's lived in Michigan his whole life. The little Lutheran high school where he just had his 20th year reunion. A graduating class of 20! + how he loves to go fishing with his son. Out on Paw Paw Lake there's these killer 4 foot trout with razor sharp teeth. He talks about how his mom died last year, and that his brother who lives in Chicago is gay + his dad's never accepted it.

"How 'bout you? How do you feel about it?" I ask

"What can I say? He's my brother. I'll always love him."

Before I know it, he's already plumbed my line over a dozen times + each time, takes out a balled-up tangle of roots the size of my fist. No wonder I couldn't flush my toilet!

It's funny, but Jim turns the conversation back to spiritual topics. Like he needs to defend his spirituality. Usually defensive folks are that way b/c they've been attacked a lot.

He tells me that even though he doesn't go to church, he still believes in God. He + his wife watch Joyce Meyer on TV every Sunday. + that he likes to try to live by the Golden Rule: "treat others like you'd want to be treated." One time he got a call to do a house + when he went, the entire family was grieving. The mom had just died + all the relatives were over @ the house. He plumbed their line quietly + just left. No bill, nothing.

"Those kinds of moments are what I live for, you know? Money can't buy that kind of feeling, when you've done something good + you drive away with a smile on your face. That's the Holy Spirit running all through ya!"

He takes off his gloves + writes the receipt. $90. Any plumbing company would've charged me twice that much. I shake his hand. He's gets in his van + is about to shut his door. "Do you mind if I pray with you for your son?" I ask. Sure, he says. I put my hand on his shoulder + we pray. During the prayer, I wonder if I should mention something about church. That God would help him find one. I don't. I just ask God to help his son discover how loved he is. Amen.

He drives away + I wonder, how many people out there feel too dirty to step into a church? I wonder, does this world just need more Christians to clean up their act? Is it "better-behaving" Christians we need, or less judgmental ones?

I don't know. But I do know that (according to my landlord) in another few years, the pipes will get clogged again. Because the roots around here grow real fast. + eventually, I'll have to get the lines plumbed again. But I'm not that worried. Because I have Jim's number now. + I know that I can count on his help again. He won't laugh at my condition. Or blame me for my flooded bathroom. Or preach to me about how I should've maintained my pipes. + I bet that if I were hard up on cash, he'd even clean it out for free.

Jim may not realize it, but He's a lot like another Plumber I know.

If only us Christians could be more like Him too.


Jesus replied, "And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them." (Luke 11:46)

"I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." -Mohandas Gandhi